You (you being the ghost reader of my blog) will never know how hard it was for me today. I went to Zaxby's thinking I would be healthy and order a salad...you can get grilled chicken instead of the fried so it would be without gluten. However I forgot about the two deliciously juicy perfectly cut triangles of warm, buttered garlic bread that come with said salad. So I open up my salad and side of extra chicken (in tongue torch sauce of course) for extra protein and see my nemesis....if I let myself I could probably eat an entire box of texas toast garlic bread. Sad, I know, but true. There is nothing better to me than warm soft garlic bread. And there sat two pieces in front of me.
For some it would be no problem at all to just toss the pieces aside and dig into the salad. But for me, I literally had to talk myself out of eating them. "I'm here all alone....no one would know if I ate them or not...I've been good for 4 days, 2 pieces of bread won't hurt....nobody would know if I cheated and it probably wouldn't even mess up my diet that much...." this is me talking to myself. Granted, at least I wasn't talking to myself OUT LOUD, however I was literally having to convince myself not to let myself eat them. The saddest part is that even when I did finally put them in the bag with the wrappers of the fork and knife and napkins I had to talk myself out of going into that bag after the pieces and eating them anyway. Like I said, self-diagnosed food addict or emotional food addiction.
A lot of people don't understand the fact that I have to talk myself out of eating something even when I've thrown it aside or away. I don't know how to describe it other than the fact that I feel that I "need" to eat that certain thing or that I cannot stop eating until I've completely cleared my plate even if it results in me being so full that it hurts. And that it has been impossible to talk myself out of this way of thinking. These steps that I'm trying to take will hopefully change that mindset and the self-diagnosed emotional food addiction but right now I'm just trying to completely cut out gluten and then hopefully I'll be able to move onto the eating less and eating healthier, exercising, etc.
But to be honest today was a huge step for me. I was surprised at myself for being able to and being able to a little easier than I thought I would. So today is Day 4 of the no gluten plan and so far I have a clean record! 3 more days and it will be one week down, 5 more to go. haha. Here's to surviving and to making more baby steps that will add up to a lifestyle change! Now to figure out what I could have for dinner....does Little Caesars make gluten free crazy bread?? No, eh?
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