Zero will power.

What do you do when you've got 20-30 lbs to lose, food allergies to gluten and dairy that you're pretty much unwilling to adjust to, an obvious emotional attachment to food and zero will power to workout or stay committed to exercise and have to talk yourself into going to your yoga class that you have to go to because you're being graded and that's the only way you can make yourself go consistently? Yep. Kind of sad, huh. Welcome to my life. I know that this sounds like a pity party but maybe in my mind I think that if I write this out and someone else reads it maybe that will make me feel bad enough to do something? Heck, who am I kidding.

You know how they say you can't make anyone change or do something until they want to for themselves? Well I've always believed in that but I don't know what else in the world i would need for it to be enough for me. I've gained 30 lbs in a year, can't run due to asthma and food allergies that I could maybe not cure but definitely help, i have no energy probably because of the foods I eat and the fact that I don't exercise. I used to play almost every sport in highschool....volleyball, softball, basketball, track, one season of cheerleading. And although I've never been good with diets or staying away from foods that taste soooo good but that are soooo bad for you, something's happened in the last year that has caused me to gain this weight. I've been told my adrenal gland doesn't work, that I basically don't have a thyroid, that food allergies are messing up my system....and I've been given all natural supplements to help all of it...and what do I do? The supplements sit in my car and I take them once every now and then, still eat gluten and dairy almost daily and will go into exercise mode hardcore for a few weeks and then something will happen and I won't exercise again for a month or so.

This really does sound more like a pity party than anything else....I'm just disappointed in myself and pretty ashamed of who I've let myself turn into and I'm hoping to turn this around. I don't know how because I apparently still don't have enough motivation and will power to do what I need to do, but maybe putting all this down and forcing me to read it will help some. I think that if I could get committed to this and it became a daily part of my life that I would become more diligent and dedicated in other areas of my life. I think a big part of it is that I've been slacking, or completely and totally lax might be a better way to put it, in my spiritual life. I haven't done devotions or spent real time with God in I don't know how long. I get devotionals, I program worship music stations onto my radio, I make plans to read the Bible in a year, yet other things almost always seem to interfere or come before those priorities. That, above my weight and above my health even, is the thing I need to get straight first and foremost.

I'm sure that if I were spending time with my Creator that He would show me how much He cares about my health and would give me the motivation I need to take care of myself. That is my first priority and it starts tomorrow morning. I will spend time with God and begin to remember who He is and why my life should revolve around Him. That is the first thing I will get back on track. And hopefully at the same time I'll become more dedicated to changing my habits and lifestyle for the betterment of myself and my ability to serve Him and be a better friend, student, girlfriend, sister, daughter.....and who knows what is to become.

Long time, no post. I blame guilt.

Hello imaginary readers. How is everyone? I know that it has been a long time since I've written a blog post and I have many excuses but none of them are good ones. I haven't been able to continue my colonics appointments because I got a job and started summer school which interfere a good bit with free time to drive to ATL for the appointments. I really want to get back into the habit of going however next weekend my sister surprised me with a sister beach weekend then the next weekend is stephen's surprise bday weekend so it'll be a while before I can.

And if i'm going to be honest with myself and anyone that may read this, I have not been so good about keeping my mostly vegan diet up...i was speaking with someone today and told them that i believe i have an emotional attachment or emotional addiction to food. it's like an ocd compulsion that i have to pile my plate high or order more than i actually need and finish all of it. i need to look into talking with someone about this. it's unhealthy for my body and health physically and emotionally. So the next step i want to take is to make shakes using The Ultimate Meal from Whole Foods and rice milk and protein to make shakes that will replace meals for me. It will have all of the nutrients i would get from healthy foods and the protein will help keep me from getting hungry every 2 hours like I do and hopefully jump start my weight loss because so far nothing really seems to be helping.

I enrolled in Yoga class at school which I'll be taking 5 days a week for an hour and a half for the next month. Hopefully that will help a lot also. I know of people who have drastically lost weight or maintained a healthy weight through yoga. I would also like to look into Zumba classes hopefully that Clemson offers. I love to dance so hopefully that will replace the cardio that I would like to get but am unable to get by running etc.

So....due to everything from lack of will power to being crazy busy to frustration leading to not sticking to my rules, I have backslidden about my diet and working out but I haven't given up. I'm going to try to get bottles and rice milk tomorrow to make the shakes to replace meals and next Monday I begin yoga every day....here's to hoping something starts working soon. This stomach virus I have should help me not eat so much for a day or two...ha. The sad thing is even a stomach virus and being consistently nauseous for 24 hours straight can't stop me from wanting to eat....i really need to look into talking to someone about my emotional eating. Add it to the list of things i never know when i'll get to. I need to write them all out and set a deadline to have them all accomplished by. Hopefully I'll blog again soon and give you all an exciting list of all of the natural supplements i'm taking to try to get my allergies and asthma under control too....it's fun. Peace and Light.
Lana